If you jump right back into the dating pool after a painful breakup, you will probably find yourself floundering. Opportunities are, your breakup has left you mistrustful of love at best. I wouldn’t be surprised if you also have some intimacy issues you need to work out. The good news is that dating can be a route toward mending. The bad news is that if you are dating again after a bad breakup, it’s easy to raise the stakes too high. You can find yourself in a catch-2 2: You know that you won’t be able to get over your ex until you find love again … but you can’t find love again until you get over your ex. If you develop feelings for someone, you’ll think that they are coming too soon. If you don’t have any feelings at all, you’ll wonder if you have become heartless.
Avoid this trap. When you start dating again, don’t put any pressure on yourself or your feelings. Dedicate yourself room for the healing and day that you need. Enjoy the people you satisfy along the way, and don’t let your expectations get the better of you. Here is how to make it work 😛 TAGEND
1. Don’t Rush It
One of the toughest things about my last breakup was witnessing my ex move on and start dating other people promptly, while I was still stuck in my heartbreak. I felt like I had entered some kind of competition with him. If he was having sexuality with other people, so could I! Plus, having sex with someone else felt like the only way I could stop thinking about him and how much I still loved him. I ran out and hooked up with the first person I matched with on Tinder. Honestly, I wish I could take it back.
After hooking up with the person, I built him drive me home, went into my housemate’s room, flopped down on her bed, and burst into tears. It wasn’t like anything bad had happened during the hookup. It merely had built me more aware of the person I had lost, and how much I was still mourning him.
Grief is not a linear process, and construct no mistake: A breakup is an enormous loss. You be grieving. Don’t rush from one stage to the next only because you think you should be doing something. It can be hard to sit with your feelings of rejection while your ex is out there fooling around, but if you are not ready to start dating again, then you’re not ready. Accept this and the healing will come much more quickly. No one can tell you that you have to do anything — especially not yourself.