I’m not a gambling man.
When I take risks in life, they’re calculated. I consider the probability of getting the outcome I want. I use patterns and statistics to make informed decisions.
But when it comes to dating, there isn’t really a source of concrete data that can tell you what will happen in a given scenario.
So think of me as the next best thing — your dating database. I’ve talked to thousands of people about their romantic lives over the past 11 years. I’ve gotten an inside look into their actions, other people’s reactions, and how it all played out.
Honestly, I probably know what’s going to happen to you before it even happens, based on the choices you plan to make.
Of course, there’s always a margin for error. But for the most part, when dealing with the game of life…
You need to play the odds in your favor.
You need to make the smart calls that will most likely result in favorable outcomes.
And my advice on the smartest decisions may challenge you. You may think you’re in a completely unique situation that’s never, ever happened before. But I can tell you that your scenario is more likely to follow a pattern than to be an outlier.
So I’m here to share common romantic situations and, based on the odds, the most likely outcomes.
It’s up to you to play those odds or roll the dice.
If you go enter a relationship with the hopes of “fixing” the other person, odds are you will have a broken relationship. You can’t change someone else until they’re ready to change themselves. What usually ends up happening is you resent them for not becoming the person you want, and they resent you for not loving them for who they are.
If you date someone you’re not physically attracted to, odds are you won’t eventually find them irresistible. I’m not saying you should only care about looks, but they play an important role in the initial screening process for potential partners.
Unfortunately, a lot of people settle with someone they’re not attracted to so they don’t have to be alone anymore. They feel the societal pressure to “settle down” or may even feel sorry for the other person. They hope things will change but when they don’t, they’re left stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. Plus, they’re going to have to break someone’s heart who’s now more invested in them.
If you don’t take good photos for online dating, odds are you’ll get poor results and hate the process. Guys spend months or years swiping and messaging endlessly with only a few dates to show for it. If they’d just spend a few hours taking better pictures, they’d get an infinitely higher return on investment.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, odds are things won’t change. I understand that every relationship takes work. But if you’re with someone who puts you down, sabotages your independence, cheats on you, lies regularly, or emotionally or physically abuses you — you don’t have a real relationship.
I don’t care if they say sorry, you still have fun together otherwise, or you just feel madly in love and attracted to them. You’re almost always better off finding someone who will treat you well.
If you try to control your partner from cheating on you, odds are you won’t prevent them from cheating. When someone wants to stray, they’re going to do so regardless of how many tabs you keep on them. In fact, being jealous, paranoid, and restrictive encourages people to escape your grasp and rebel. It’s human nature.
You’re better off strengthening your relationship through honest communication and building deep levels of trust and respect. You should encourage each other’s independence and allow your partner to have their own life, too. Because if your partner is deeply fulfilled and feels connected to you, they’re less likely to seek having their needs met elsewhere.
If you base your whole life around attracting women, odds are you’ll struggle to connect with women and lack real self-worth. Men who obsess over gaining approval from women (and don’t have their own independent lifestyle, friends, and hobbies) get to a point where they can’t even engage with women normally.
Every interaction becomes a calculated effort trying to conquer those women instead of just seeing if you two have a connection. You’re more anxious because of it, come off needy, and get poor results that makes you feel worse about yourself. On the flip side…
If you just wait around at home believing love will find you, odds are you’ll end up feeling isolated and alone. You need to live in the real world: discover things you’re passionate about and try new experiences that are fulfilling to you. Within those moments, you will then naturally encounter similar-minded people you want to connect with. You can take those opportunities and build new relationships.
If you play it safe with women you like and pretend to be their friend, odds are you will struggle to build intimate relationships. You’re not creating deeper attraction by being their friend. You will get rejected early on or when you eventually decide to show interest. You will watch those same women become sexually attracted to other men and you may even begin to resent women for never choosing you, the “nice guy”.
If you don’t go/ask for a kiss by the first three dates, odds are you won’t get another chance. When women agree to go on a date with you, that means they’re evaluating you as a potential intimate partner. They know why you’re there. Not making a move shows them you lack confidence and it doesn’t facilitate necessary sexual chemistry.
If you go for a kiss and don’t get it, odds are you’re still more likely to get another date with that woman than if you hadn’t tried. That is, as long as you’re okay with her not being ready and respect those wishes.
Again, women know you’re interested and showing interest is an attractive quality. It demonstrates leadership and self-confidence which women find desirable. If they weren’t ready then and you respected that, they will find you more attractive for having the courage to go for what you wanted.
If you chase women who don’t reply to you, never commit to dates, and cancel on you last minute, odds are you’re never going to get the connection you desire. They’re not going to magically wake up one day and realize you’re the top-shelf guy they want. You’ll waste a lot of time, energy, and emotional health pursuing them for not much in return.
In rare cases, you may get a date or hook up — but at what cost? Her lack of respect for you in general will only lower your self-esteem. You put these women on a pedestal when in reality, they don’t often make for quality partners (at least until they work on themselves). You’re always better off pursuing other women who are interested and communicative with you.
If a woman shows interest in you, odds are you have to return that interest quickly or else you will lose that romantic connection. When women go out of their way to compliment you, touch you, and flirt with you — they’re being vulnerable. They want to know whether or not you’re interested in them, too.
When you don’t reciprocate (even though you ARE interested), they can feel rejected or stupid for being forward. Women struggle with a lot of shame about being “too available” (although I don’t believe in that). When they feel negative about the situation, the easy solution is often to just walk away.
If you wait a long time to ask a woman out over text, odds are she’ll lose interest. When you send mundane texts trying to dance around what you really want, you’re hurting yourself more than helping. You think you’re building a connection and you are…to a point. But real connections are made face-to-face.
Women mostly need to know that they can have a fun, safe, and positive experience with you. That takes days at most, not weeks or months. Once you have a few lighthearted moments or laughs, they’re excited to explore that connection in-person.
Delaying meeting up can bore them, frustrate them, and give them time to second-guess seeing you. You’re just showing how timid you are which is not going to excite a woman to meet up with you.
If a woman under 40 gives you her number, odds are texting is more likely to get a response than calling. In fact, I’ve seen connections completely end because a guy called out of nowhere. I wish it wasn’t like that, but it is.
More and more people are used to text communication and responding on their own time. When you a call a woman unexpectedly, she can feel forced to have a full conversation with someone she doesn’t know well. She may feel unprepared and caught off guard.
With all that uncertainty and anxiety, women will often just ignore your call. Then they’ll feel awkward about the whole thing and sometimes convince themselves that the connection wasn’t worth it. Instead, it’s better if you just shoot a few texts to start a dialogue and simply say something like, “Hey it’s easier to talk on the phone, let me call you in 10.” Giving that heads up makes a huge difference in getting her to answer the phone.
If you think you’ll never meet or attract women because of your overall looks, skin color, height, or financial status, odds are you’re WRONG. While everyone has their own preferences, there are plenty of women who will want to connect with you regardless of those things. I’ve witnessed men of all types become confident, charismatic, and build the relationships they want.
It’s not you, but your limiting beliefs that are sabotaging you. Maybe you don’t take enough opportunities to introduce yourself. Maybe you don’t invite out the women you talk to. Maybe you’re too serious over remote communication. Or maybe you just don’t act assertive enough or flirt to build attraction.
All these ideas can be learned. You can adjust your behaviors and gain experiences that shape a new mindset. But if you think you’re “permanently broken” and hopeless, odds are you’ll prove yourself right.
These decisions can have a huge impact on your life. Do you really want to gamble with your happiness?
If you attend my upcoming retreat, odds are you’ll become more confident, meet more women, and have an amazing time.