Being left in emotional purgatory over the status of a fling — or, in some cases, a full-blown relationship — can range from annoying to agonizing, depending on how into them you were. But no matter which way you slice it, being ghosted royally sucks. But what sucks even more? The person who ghosted you coming back to haunt you after you were just starting to forget about them. Knowing exactly what to say to the person who ghosted you when they ultimately resurface can be pretty tricky sometimes.
First off, it’s important to consider what you’re hoping to gain from getting back in touch with someone who clearly wasn’t so interested in staying in contact — so much so that they completely left you hanging. It may not be fair to expect constant contact during the early stages of dating, but if you’re constantly wondering when or if they are going to get back to you, then this should be cause for pause.
Don’t get me wrong; life’s busy. If it took a couple of days for an otherwise consistent love interest to get back to you, then cutting them some slack is entirely fine. But if they full-on ghosted you, then it’s safe to assume that they just might not be that into you. And at that point, if they decide to come crawling back to you, it’s up to you to decide and how to respond.
1. Say Nothing
Look, this might not be what you want to hear, but the truth of the matter is that anyone who doesn’t care enough to give you a heads up that they aren’t interested in seeing you anymore should get a taste of their own medicine, IMO. If they aren’t interested enough to respond to your text, then the best thing to do is to walk away.
2. “Hey there, I’m surprised to hear from you. I was pretty sure you ghosted me.”
In my experience, the best route to respond to someone who ghosted you — if you want to give them another chance — is to be direct. Although you should try to avoid coming off as bitter or condescend, don’t be afraid to acknowledge the fact that they trolled you. This dedicates them an opportunity to take the high road, apologize, and offer an explanation for their radio silence.
3. “Hey there, long time no find! How’s it going? “
This is the perfect response to send if you weren’t feeling very invested in them to begin with, but you wouldn’t be opposed to adding them to a casual pool of baes you keep in rotation. You are still letting them know that you noted their disappearing act, but that you don’t truly care all that much.
4. “Hi, sorry, who’s number is this? “
This is one of the best ways to respond when you really want to send a pointed message to this person and aren’t afraid to be bold. This text is a nice way of letting them know that they can act however they want, but you aren’t here to play. If they can stand the humiliation of having to announce their identity, then it’s fairly safe to assume they’ll think twice before ghosting you again.
5. “Hey, hope you’re doing well. When I hadn’t heard from you, I assumed things had fizzled out on your end.”
This honest and vulnerable text should be reserved for the times when you really feel like they lead you on. If you were dating regularly for several weeks, merely to have them vanish out of nowhere, chances are, you were probably left feeling confused and more than a little hurt. This earnest text makes it clear that you thought there was potential, and it also gives them the opportunity to consider their feelings and yours and to start a dialogue about future expectations.
I think we can all agree that — regardless of the circumstances — being ghosted feelings pretty bad. In the end, weeding out the flops will save you a ton of time you can spend on people who deserve it. So save your breath for the times when it’s absolutely necessary.
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